Monday, February 24, 2014

mouthful of forever

"I am not the first person you loved.

You are not the first person I looked at

with a mouthful of forevers. We 

have both known loss like the sharp edges

of a knife. 
We have both lived with lips

more scar tissue than skin. Our love 
came

unannounced in the middle of the 
night.

Our love came when we’d given up

on asking love to come. I think

that has to be part

of its miracle.

This is how we heal.

I will kiss you like forgiveness. You

will hold me like I’m hope. Our arms

will bandage and we will press 
promises

between us like flowers in a book.

I will write sonnets to the salt of sweat

on your skin. I will write novels to the 
scar

of your nose. I will write a dictionary

of all the words I have used trying

to describe the way it feels to have 
finally,

finally found you.

And I will not be afraid

of your scars.

I know sometimes

it’s still hard to let me see you

in all your cracked perfection,

but please know:

whether it’s the days you burn

more brilliant than the sun

or the nights you collapse into my lap

your body broken into a thousand questions,

you are the most beautiful thing."

high koo

“I have looked at you

in millions of ways and

I've loved you in each"

uno

La vieja mano

sigue trazando versos

para el olvido

La triste luna

me sigue recordando 

no te olvido

Saturday, February 22, 2014

important

1. When a boy who leaves goosebumps on every inch of your skin tries to play you his favorite song, don’t let him. He’ll get it stuck in your head and under your fingertips and when he leaves, you won’t be able to listen to it without feeling like you’re choking.
2. Don’t let him touch you all over no matter how much you want to feel him against you. Leave a few spots untouched so that when you’re sleeping alone again, at least your left wrist and an inch of your right hip won’t sting with the remaining burn of his mouth. 
3. Don’t let him break your ribs.
4. Don’t watch the sunset with him. He’ll poison it. You won’t be able to look at the sky without swallowing a mouthful of him.
5. Don’t mistake wasps for butterflies. Sometimes when you feel your stomach flutter and your hands start to shake it’s pain, not love.
6. Just because he tells you he loves you doesn’t mean he’s going to stay.
7. It’s okay to delete his number after he kisses the pretty girl he met when he was drunk. It’s okay to leave when he hurts you. You don’t have to keep falling into him.
8. When he tells you that you’re beautiful, try to remember that you were beautiful before him too.
9. Just because he reads and smokes cigarettes and talks about the stars doesn’t mean he’s your soulmate.
10. After you kiss him, remember to wash your mouth out right away so he doesn’t burn into your tongue. 
11. He’ll kiss you in the rain and take you to little coffee shops. He’ll brush your hair out of your eyes and kiss your nose. He’ll grab your waist and whisper in your ear but six months later you’ll find yourself drunk texting him that you miss him and he won’t respond.
12. Your heart is going to break a million times. It’s going to feel like the world is falling apart around you. Your lungs will stop working some nights. You find yourself grabbing at your bones trying to hold yourself together. You’re going to feel like you’re dying. It’s going to be okay. You’ll find someone else to kiss you goodnight

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

love

I love unmade beds. I love when people are drunk and crying and cannot be anything but honest in that moment. I love the look in people’s eyes when they realize they’re in love. I love the way people look when they first wake up and they’ve forgotten their surroundings. I love the gasp people take when their favorite character dies. I love when people close their eyes and drift to somewhere in the clouds. I fall in love with people and their honest moments all the time. I fall in love with their breakdowns and their smeared makeup and their daydreams. Honesty is just too beautiful to ever put into words.

rain

I tried to be a rainbow in your sky of dark clouds
But you wanted nothing of the sort
So I was only a few raindrop on a sunny day,
Not much to affect you
But enough to be a noticable nuisance 
And that, 
I think,
Was our downfall. 

Saturday, February 8, 2014

2.8.14

its funny how i never know the right words to say to you, but i could tear down an entire forest writing about how much i loved you

Thursday, February 6, 2014

home

To find where you belong 
is not to find where you fit in.
It is to find your home.

Home is not a place, 
or a destination,
or a journey,
or a building.

Home could be
a person,
a touch,
a feeling,
a moment,
a sweet disposition.

Home is where
the sky meets the ocean
and the wind blows
through your hair.

Home is when 
you feel safe,
perfectly content
and reassured.

Home is easy. 
Once you find it,
you just know.

Home is not forced,
nor troublesome.
Home is peaceful.

You cannot search
for your one true home.
Your home finds you.

Unfortunately,
we unknowingly 
confuse our home
for a feeling of comfort,
familiarity,
a fleeting rush of excitement.

And we spend
the rest of our lives
trying to get back to it again.

Too wrapped up
too realize 
that we need to let go.

Too busy searching
for something that
was long gone
the moment it left

Too occupied
with holding onto 
the past,
to make room 
for the future.

Not knowing,
that all the while,
home was passing you by.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

you

Stop acting

so fucking wounded.

The only person
that can pick you up,

push back your shoulders,

wipe the tears,

mend the broken bones

and get you out of your slump

is you.

Now go and live,

there is so much to be

happy about

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

baby I'm yours

"Baby, I’m yours til the stars fall from the sky baby,
I’m yours til the rivers all run dry,
Yours til the sun no longer shines"
Arctic Monkeys "Baby I'm Yours"

Monday, February 3, 2014

forever?

“Forever isn’t for everyone. Is forever for you? It sounds like settling down or giving up but it don’t sound much like you girl.”
Arctic Monkeys ‘Snap Out Of It’

from a long time ago

He's a bear. A bear that's stalking me. So I walk faster to try and escape him. eventually I run so far away that I think he's gone; so I put my guard down. I turn around to go home but BAM! There he is again and I can't escape him. I can't escape his laugh when I do something silly. I can't escape the joking tone in his voice when he mocks me. I can't escape his sculpted hands or how he has a little jump in his step after something has made him particularly happy. I can't escape the sadness in his eyes when he looks into mine. I can't escape the trembles that shake my spine, one vertebrae at a time, when he touches me. No matter who I hide behind or what I do to get my mind off of him I can't escape him. But the sad part is that he doesn't even notice what he's doing. I always go back to him to make myself an easy target. I start it, he ends it. He starts it, I never end it. But not this time. I'll start it and I'll make it last as long as it needs to without actually doing anything or falling for his trap. Hopefully. 
I wish I was smart so I could know the correct answer without having to go through trial and error. 
I wish I was sweet enough to please your sweet tooth so we could never get into an argument again. 
I wish I was cunning so I could devise a plan. A plan to break your heart without making mine more vulnerable to your unintentional games.
But I don't want your heart broken. 
I want it on your sleeve
So I can steal it, like you stole mine.

~

He is not a constellation.
You should not wish to be the cigarette touching his lips. 

He will not appear through the fog and heal your wounds.
Only you can do that.

So get out of bed and put on some lipstick.

Stop falling at his feet.

Save yourself.

Sunday, February 2, 2014

lost

I used to like losing myself in things until I got lost in you and never came home

Saturday, February 1, 2014

change

I realized I was holding onto something that doesn't exist anymore. 
That the person I missed didn't exist anymore.
People change.
The things we like and dislike change.
And we could wish all day long that they didn't, but they always will.